


Mirrorward

by Shadow_of_Quill



Category: Onward (2020)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Mirror, Angst, Barley-centric, Gen, unpleasant implications everywhere, unspecified child abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2020-05-30
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:27:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24426499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadow_of_Quill/pseuds/Shadow_of_Quill
Summary: Wilden - changed, after Laurel died.Barley's last words to his mother were a promise that he'd protect Iandore.
Relationships: Barley Lightfoot & Ian Lightfoot
Comments: 8
Kudos: 46





	1. Chapter 1

Sometimes, if Barley tried really hard, he could remember having a happy family. He could remember Dad being willing to play with him and talk about history, he could remember Mom hugging him and cheering at how strong and brave he was.

He could remember how excited they'd both been when she was pregnant, he could remember solemnly promising that he'd look after his new sibling and they'd be best friends.

He didn't like remembering that.

He didn't like remembering how she'd smiled when she introduced him to Iandore - but he _did,_ kind of, because it was the last time she ever smiled at him, but he _didn't_ because he'd had to share it with Iandore, but -

Barley didn't try to remember, mostly. Remembering that stuff always led to remembering Mom being sick, Mom being in hospital, Dad getting frantic and pushing him away and Mom never leaving the hospital and Iandore being a screamy little baby who Barley had to look after because Dad was researching something important and couldn't be disturbed and -

Dad - changed, after Mom died. Barley had to learn to make his own food because Dad was too busy, and he had to take care of Ian because Dad wouldn't, and sometimes Dad would watch and tell Barley how much he was like Mom and Barley _liked_ hearing that, he _did,_ so he wasn't quite sure why he felt sick when Dad said it and stroked his face.

Dad explained that he was busy because he was trying to find a way to bring Mom back, and that sounded really good to Barley, and he said that maybe Barley could help and that sounded even _better,_ but Barley couldn't make the staff light up and Barley didn't have magic and Barley was useless, useless, _useless!_ Except he wasn't, Dad said he wasn't, Dad apologised for shouting and he really was sorry and it was just that he was frustrated, that was all, he hadn't meant to scare Barley, it was just that Barley wasn't as useful as he'd been hoping he would be but really it would be okay, it would all be fine when he got Mom back. He promised it would. He promised, so Barley just had to stop crying before he set Iandore off. It wasn't Barley's fault that he was useless, it wasn't anyone's, these things just _happened_ and Barley had to _stop. Crying. Now._

Dad got _really_ busy after that, and he didn't touch Barley so much and he didn't look at Barley so much and Barley was pretty sure he didn't like being ignored like that. Pretty sure. He missed hearing he was like Mom. He missed Dad smiling at him.

He was pretty sure he missed Dad smiling at him. But maybe he missed Dad smiling at him the way Dad smiled when Mom was alive, and maybe that wasn't the way Dad smiled at him after she died, and maybe muttering about this to himself while he bathed Ian because he was trying to figure it all out was a bad idea. Maybe Dad was paying a bit more attention than Barley realised, and maybe Dad didn't like something about what Barley said, and maybe Barley should just learn to keep his mouth shut.

Barley felt. Something. Bad. About finding out that Dad had been listening while he was bathing Iandore, because Dad didn't seem to listen when Barley tried to talk to _him,_ so this was something about Iandore and - and Barley was still just a kid, he didn't understand this, and he didn't know _why_ this was making him think about that last promise he made to Mom but it _was._

He'd promised to protect Iandore.

_He'd_ promised.

So Barley took the blame when things went wrong, and Barley took the punishments when stuff happened, and Barley spent more and more time stewing over how not-fair things were because there were different rules for Iandore, Iandore only had one set of rules to learn, but Barley had to be polite except when it sounded sarcastic but he couldn't be too polite because that made him sound spineless and he had to tell Dad if there was something important unless Dad was working but if it was _important_ he should tell Dad anyway and he kept being wrong about if anything was important so he should just tell Dad all of it unless it was something that _really obviously_ wasn't important and -

Iandore just had to bring everything to Barley. Sometimes (all the time) Barley would be wrong about whether it should be taken to Dad, but it was _Barley_ getting it wrong. So Ian was safe. And Dad _liked_ Iandore, because Iandore wasn't like-Mom-but-not-enough, Iandore wasn't a useless screwup, so maybe Iandore wouldn't have been punished anyway.

Sometimes Barley kind of wanted to hate Iandore, and he didn't even know _why._ But he also loved Ian, like really really really a lot, because Ian would smile at him and be happy when Barley did things for him and say Barley helped, and sometimes Iandore made Barley feel like he maybe wasn't totally worthless.

Dad noticed.

Dad noticed and watched and Dad _said things_ that made Barley feel like he was maybe doing something wrong when he hugged Ian back, when he smiled at Ian too much, when he felt good for protecting Ian or helping Ian or - but he couldn't _stop,_ he tried, Iandore didn't like it and Iandore was hurt and Dad said something about if he couldn't be nice to his brother then maybe Dad would have to step in and that was - Barley wasn't _scared_ by it, it wasn't a threat, because what kind of threat is, "I'm gonna spend time with your brother"? He was _jealous, that_ was why he felt sick when he thought about Dad maybe stroking Iandore's face the way he used to stroke Barley's when he still said Barley was like Mom.

Iandore was clever (like Barley wasn't) and Iandore could read people (like Barley couldn't) (didn't) (couldn't), and sometimes Barley thought that Iandore was _trying_ to get Barley into trouble because he _wouldn't stop hugging him._ Not in front of Dad, but as soon as they were alone Iandore would wrap his arms around Barley and sigh like he was happy. (He could always tell if Dad was hanging around nearby, the way Barley never could, and Barley wanted to trust it and feel safe when Iandore hugged him but he was always so aware that Dad might change the rules at any time -)

Dad tried to see if Iandore could wield his staff. Barley didn't let him (it was jealousy, it was fear, it was protectiveness, and it was so so so stupid because it shouldn't have been any of those things. It shouldn't have been _anything,_ because why wouldn't Barley want Iandore to be able to work magic?).

"Don't you want your mother back?" Dad asked, tone reasonable-but-not, and Barley screamed before he could think about it, "SHE WOULDN'T WANT US NOW ANYWAY!"

Dad stopped. He looked - puzzled, almost, then thoughtful, and then -

Barley had never been scared of Dad before. Not like this.

"Maybe you're right," Dad said, voice weirdly distant, like he was talking about something that was so unimportant he wasn't even thinking about it. "Maybe she wouldn't." His eyes focussed on Barley like he was seeing him, _really_ seeing him, and he smiled.

"Nonono, I was wrong, I'm sorry, Dad, I'm stupid and I'm wrong and I'm always wrong and I'm _sorry,_ Dad, I'm sorry, I'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'm-"

"Shhshshsh," Dad said, like he was trying to be comforting, and he was still smiling, and he cupped Barley's face for the first time since he'd stopped saying Barley was like Mom and -

Barley always remembered it as Iandore coming through the front door and shouting, "I'm home!" then. Right then, that moment, so there was no way anything else could have happened. (Iandore never just shouted, "I'm home!" before he knew what sort of mood Dad was in. Barley had bruises. _Dad_ had bruises.)

Dad never talked about bringing Mom back after that.

Barley made extra-sure Iandore was never at risk of being alone with Dad.

And Dad never touched his face again.

Sometimes it felt like Dad stopped seeing him at all, after that - like he was too busy trying to see around Barley, behind Barley. Trying to see Iandore.

Barley didn't have friends, and didn't have hobbies, and didn't know if he even liked his brother sometimes (and sometimes the memories of Dad's _looks_ and Iandore's hugs and everything would make him feel like he liked his brother way too much more than he should). But he had some memories of his mother, even if he tried not to think of them. And he had a promise to her that he had to keep, always and forever. And he had a little brother to protect.

And then Iandore, sixteen-year-old Iandore, confident and loving and _clever_ Iandore, found their father's staff unattended (and Barley should have known it was a trap) and playfully recited a spell to bring light.

And as the glow filled the room and Ian's eyes, Barley tried to swallow down the bitter jealousy that Iandore got _everything_ Barley wanted, to drown it out with the fear of what happen if Dad found out about this.

"Hey. Bro." He tried to sound casual, tried to sound at ease, and maybe he managed it because Iandore just turned and beamed at him. "How's about we go off on a quest? Just us two."

"A quest?" Iandore lit up, so excited to spend time with his big brother that he never thought to be suspicious.

"Yeah. There's this spell that Dad was researching, I think I know where his old notes on it are..." Barley swallowed, tried to smile. Tried not to feel how his life was changing, how out-of-control everything was. How much worse he might make everything (because he only ever made anything worse) with his next suggestion. 

Barley tried to swallow down his fears, and tried to smile at his sixteen-year-old brother, and tried not choke on the words as they came out of his mouth. "How do you feel about getting to meet Mom?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iandore's point of view

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lightning, I blame you.

Iandore wasn't really sure when the suspicion first grew that their family may not be... normal? Their mother was dead, but they weren't the only single-parent family in the world. Barley seemed to resent him, but lots of older siblings did that (he knew, he watched how the kids in his school interacted with their families to try and spot what the difference was between _theirs_ and _his)._ Barley looked after him, but that was even more normal than the resentment.

Except. Barley seemed to look after him more than those other older siblings did. The first time he found out that other kids' older siblings wouldn't sit on guard outside their room if they had nightmares, he was so _sad_ for them. He always knew that he was safe, because Barley would protect him.

"Don't you mean your dad?"

Ian was confused the first time someone asked him that. Why would he mean Dad? Dad was busy. Barley looked after him, and Barley protected him, and Barley took care of him.

And maybe that wasn't normal.

Iandore kept watching, because he wanted to _know,_ he wanted to _understand._ (He saw how Dad glanced at Barley when he said Iandore was being like him, he saw how Barley cringed.)

Ian was pretty sure the unspoken rules thing _was_ normal; as far as he could see, every family had unspoken rules, and they were different for every family. There being different rules for him and for Barley didn't seem too unusual, either.

Iandore's rules were: go to Barley for help with stuff like tying shoelaces, go to Barley if you're hungry or bored or lonely, be happy if Dad wants to spend time with you, pay attention in class so you don't need to ask for help with homework because Barlely can't.

Barley's rules were: protect Iandore, take the blame for everything, don't stand out. Iandore sometimes felt like Dad might be trying to add new ones, but he could never figure out what or why.

The rules were different when Dad was around to what they were when he wasn't, but that was absolutely normal. Rules always changed around parents. Ian learned really young to tell if Dad was nearby - it was like seeing a reflection on dull cloth, or a shadow through the wall. He didn't understand why Barley never seemed to know if Dad was near, but it would pretty obviously break a rule to talk about it.

Barley pretended not to like it when Iandore hugged him, but Ian knew he did, because sometimes he'd hug back so carefully like Ian was the most precious thing he'd ever held. Ian couldn't hug Barley if Dad was around, or things got weird and tense, but when they were alone Iandore would hug Barley to try and let him know it was safe, even though Barley didn't seem to understand.

Barley kept ending up in trouble. The police would bring him back to the house and laugh with Dad about what a troublemaker he was ("Good job your other son's a decent kid!"), and Barley would be too sick to eat dinner that evening so Iandore would eat alone because Dad was busy researching. Or, sometimes, Dad would sit and eat with him, and Iandore would smile and they'd talk about spellcrafting or magical components or whatever Dad wanted to talk about. Sometimes Dad would look at Iandore like he was thinking about something else, and Iandore would have to be careful not to let it be obvious that he wasn't letting Dad touch him on his hand or arm or back.

Iandore was pretty sure Barley wanted to run away. But Barley couldn't leave _and_ protect Ian, so he stayed.

Ian wasn't sure when he started looking forwards to being old enough to run away _with_ Barley, to finding a place where maybe Barley wouldn't be mad if Ian hugged him and wouldn't be called a screwup by everyone because Dad told them he was, and maybe they could _both_ be happy and maybe they could make their own unspoken rules that wouldn't just hurt Barley.

Maybe, if they got away from Dad, Barley would let Ian protect him for once.

And then Ian walked into the house (don't shout until you know Dad won't be annoyed by it) and found Barley slamming their father's head into the floor, snarling with rage, not even noticing Dad's fingers aiming for his eyes, and all Ian could think to do was shout, "I'm home!"

Barley sagged and gasped like he was surfacing from the pool. Dad straightened his clothes and stared at them both, paler than usual and thin-lipped, and walked back to his study without a word.

Iandore wanted to ask what happened, but it would have been against the rules. (He wasn't sure Barley even _knew.)_

Ian had a list of the cops and the teachers and all the other people who could be persuaded to look the other way when Barley got in trouble again, who could be convinced not to let Dad know about it. He wished there was more he could do, though - sometimes he just felt so _useless._

And then he found Dad's staff, and he pretended he could do magic and recited the spell he'd memorised back when he figured out that Barley didn't like the dark -

\- and the room filled with light.

Barley's smile looked kind of off, but Iandore could guess it was about how Dad would react to this. "Hey. Bro. How's about we go off on a quest? Just us two."

"A quest?" Quests meant _leaving._ And Iandore had _magic_ now; between him and Barley - 

They could leave. On a quest. And then Ian could just _persuade_ Barley that neither of them had to come back.

With words, or...

His grip tightened on the staff. "Let's go!"

(He didn't even notice what the quest was _for_ until after Barley showed him Dad's old research.)

(It never occured to either of them that they should leave the staff behind.)


End file.
